Shortly after my divorce I felt that I was broken and didn’t have anything to offer another person. I avoided dating and putting myself out there because I was overwhelmed with the thoughts that caused me confusion about who I was anymore.
I sorted my life out and started asking the questions about what I wanted my life to be about for the next 20 years. It proved to be an irreplaceable step to healing and getting my bearings before heading into a new relationship without dealing with some internal battles that needed to be addressed.
To have a relationship full of meaning and rewards we must first realize that we are half of the new relationship. If the focus is getting someone else to complete us, then we have already lost the battle. The secret is to be complete and happy in ourselves first before heading into something new. Getting out there too early just leaves unresolved emotions and baggage that can be transferred to a new relationship.
The fear of being alone is more about not wanting to dive into unresolved feelings we have, and until dealt with can just add another relationship to the “loss” category.
What can we do to overcome the stigma of being single?
1. Realize that time invested in ourselves is hugely valuable to making decisions more accurately about where to go next.
2. Notice that couples look happy often, but they also having problems brewing inside. The concept of being in a relationship is much different than actively being in one. Relax.
3. Realize that bringing your best self to a new situation will be valuable because it allows us to have a chance to create something real with another person.
4. No matter what happens in life, including breakups, we only have ourselves to rely on when the dust settles. If we live a mostly peaceful and happy life, we will have that no matter what the actions of others bring to our existence.
5. When we don’t NEED someone else, daily life feels sweeter. Then when someone comes along, it is a partnership versus immediate gratification and the potential loss of another relationship. Take your time and find your way.
6. Take the time to evaluate what you really want in each area of your life. Make the focus on you. When you are happy, know your intention for areas of your life, and are living your own truth, that is when a person who is right for you will appear.
7. Remember, you are not broken. No matter how society makes you feel or tells you who you should be, you have time to decide that for yourself. Don’t rush it. Take time to figure out what is right for you. Rushed decisions bring stress.
8. Start by taking small steps into activities that YOU enjoy. Often people fill their schedules with activities to simply distract them from not being in a relationship. Instead a better solutions is to focus on activities that will bring joy and meaning.
Removing the pressure of other people’s opinions can do wonders. Sitting quietly with a good book and taking time to reflect on what is right for you is never lost time. Quiet time is an investment in the future.
Taking time to invest in ourselves will pay huge dividends. The chances of a solid future relationship with another person is much easier if we are happy with or without the other person’s company. The other person should be a compliment to who we are, not person we need.
Source by Daryl Moore